The Masks we wear

Wrapping a dirty gym sock around your nose and mouth isn't going to save you. If masks were shoes, the N95's are work boots, the surgical masks are tennis shoes and the boxer briefs you've fashioned into a hijab would be like a pair of flip flops from Walmart.…the ones that create a thong between your toes. What experts like to say is that wearing masks along with other preventative measures can lower the risk of spreading the virus. But do you see how much b.s. is in that statement? What they really want to say is: "Hey, it can't hurt, right?🤷‍♂️" But that isn't a compelling reason. They can make a more declarative statement if they include things known to lower disease transmission like consistently washing your hands and ass. The only possible benefit to having you dress up like a stage coach robber, besides your demonstrated obedience, is that it puts the virus front and center in your mind. That can foster awareness of your surroundings and who's in it. You are less likely to touch your face because something is covering it, and probably more likely to sanitize often. Those are proven methods to reduce the spread of disease that get lumped in with covering your nose and mouth with a handkerchief like a member of British royalty who's just smelled his or her first working class fart.

Anyway, I'm in the lab working on my poor man's hazmat suit. Basically, you get a pair of latex gloves, some safety glasses and a snorkel packed with the latest in filter technology. I plug the hole with a unique blend of cotton balls and wrapping paper. See, when you sneeze or talk, the droplets tend to project forward and swirl around like a Van Gogh painting. But with your extra long and fashionable snorkel, you will be breathing air from the ceiling which may, in fact, possibly reduce the risk even further. Pre orders will begin in July.