Taught-ology

It's time to teach some of you the truth about these bird's box.

It should go without saying, but apparently it needs to be said. Men do not naturally love YOUR children. Do you have any idea how creepy that notion is? Men may have feelings for you and, through those feelings for you and the close proximity to YOUR children, he may develop an attachment to the children which you may characterize as love over time. But he doesn't just naturally love your children or view them as his own altruistically. If you think that is the case, how many kids did he adopt before meeting you? And after the breakup, how many of you allow him to see the children you know he loves? Stop being stupid!

To put a finer point on it, when have you ever heard a teacher, for example, tell you about the time he met a child who was so wonderful he said, "I love you like a son or daughter. I feel such a strong bond between us that I was wondering if you could introduce me to your mama because I think we would make a perfect couple." No one has ever said that. Well, no one but me has said it, but I was lying. Back in the unenlightened days of my youth, I said whatever to gtd. That was one of the few perks of being a young teacher. The pay sucked , but so did she.

Me: You know I love your son like he was my own. Her: Oh yeah, what's his name? Me: Really? Is this what we doing now? Her: Yes. Me: I know his name. Her: And I'm asking you to tell me it. Me: Woooooow!!!! Her: Wow is not his name. Me: We’ve been dealing with each other for what? 3 months now? Her: 6 Me : 6 months now and you think I don't know something as basic as your child's name. Her: …. Me: Okay You really going to make me say it? …… .... Ronald….. Her: Timothy! Me: If you would let me get a word in, I would have told you that TIMOTHY AND I love chilling at the RONALD … MCDONALD PLAYHOUSE because we both love chicken nuggets. With the Sweet n' Sour dipping sauce. We even dip our fries in it. Maybe if you spent more time with us you would know that.

Yeah, I was smooth with it back then. There was this other time I had to do the back to school night during my student teaching year at a Middle School. We were all seated at tables in the cafeteria waiting to talk to the few parents who showed up, but spent most of the time talking to each other or, in my case, looking for prospects. I saw this one milf who had on a sun dress with yams that seemed to be on a half-second time delay with the rest of her body movement. The ass was in IMAX 3D. Watching it was like seeing the worst dub-over on the best movie ever made. You know how fake booties tend to sit up high and pop out? This was all natural. It drooped a little but would spring back to shape with each step like a butt cheek version of a slinky. Her ass was hypnotic. Trying not to look at her ass every time she passed by was like trying to resist the urge to kill yourself after seeing the monsters in Birdbox.

In any case, I made sure to call home about her child’s progress and he wasn’t even in my class.

"Ma'am, I'm concerned about your son's grade. If it goes down by one more point, he’ll be down to a 98 and I don't want to see that. How about I come through after he goes to bed so I can tutor you so you can tutor him.”

Yes, I was always willing to lend a helping hand and other appendages to all the single mothers out there.

When you get to the high school students, you got to be a little more aggressive because they like to talk back and be assholes like most women on social media. I had to lay down the law a few times.

Slapping you may be off limits, but the same can’t be said for your mama’s ass. Keep playing with me and you’ll both be calling me daddy by this weekend. And I’ll kick over your little pillow fort when I go to the kitchen and eat up the rest of your cereal and fruit snacks.

I say all the above to say this: No man initially loves your children. At least, not one you would want to have around your children. Your children are a blessing to no one but you. They are a liability and a burden that a man may be able to look past long term if you bring enough good qualities to his life. But listening to all the dumb sh!t these entitled women are saying will only make it clear to an increasing number of men that single mothers are good for nothing but sex. And many of them can't even be good for that.